The idea of God pursuing me has been a topic that I thought I had a good grasp on for all these years, and yet I have found myself once again challenged in my understanding. I have heard the phrase time and time again, “God will never leave or forsake you,” and I thought I understood that. The truth though, is that I didn’t even have an inkling of understanding.
A couple of weeks ago, I got to one of the lowest places I had ever been. I was in a position where I was blatantly choosing not to rely on God and holding tightly onto the reins of my own life. I became so consumed with doing things by myself, that when I failed, I began to believe the lies that Satan was telling me.
I started to believe that I wasn’t equipped in the role God placed me in; I was a failure, I was worthless, and I should quit the ministry I was serving in. The people who pour into me the most had no idea how to do it because my heart was so iced over. That’s when God pursued me.
Matthew 18:10-14 is the story of the shepherd who leaves his 99 sheep to chase the one that wandered away and says that in the same way, the Father cares for us. If I'm being honest, many of the times when I thought of this passage I never saw myself in the one sheep but rather in the 99. I pictured the "one" as someone who walked away from the faith completely or had shunned God for ages - not me.
I am that one sheep. That day, God chased me down. He softened my heart, breathed life back into me, denounced the lies that Satan had been telling me, and began to rebuild me. At some point, intentionally or not, we will end up being the one sheep that wandered away. God will pursue you - just like He did me - in His own time.
I encourage you to join me in working on surrendering the reins of our lives to Him. Because if you find yourself in a position where God pursues you and you give the reins back to Him, He can be glorified through your biggest failures.
-Lucy LaMar, IDES Intern